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September 2006In this Issue: |
I write “Be the Change” e-zine to introduce the life coaching principles and practices my colleagues and I employ with clients, and to share my failures and some successes in the hope that people will relate, slow down, take back their time, reflect, feel, and open into Awareness, then make the necessary change in their lives that they see as appropriate. And, perhaps, they might hire me or one of my colleagues as their coach, if they would like some support to make a desired change. Any kind of change, whether positive or negative, is hard for the human personality. A principle that I use when working with clients is one I learned through Svaroopa Yoga practice: support equals release. This summer, I became aware of just how much incredible support I have in my life. I am blessed and honor the friends and professionals who support my ongoing experience of being human. With love, If you'd like to share this issue with a friend, they can view the newsletter online at http://www.seanleclaire.com/ezine/. If you'd prefer not to receive future issues of Be The Change, click the Unsubscribe link at the bottom of this message. THE MUCKEvery relationship of depth and weight eventually hits the muck. From my own experience here’s what happens. Along with all that is wonderful about the relationship, we begin to experience unresolved and/or unconscious power and control, love and affection, and safety and security issues. I use the word issues rather reluctantly because as an awareness teacher and life coach I don’t deal with issues. I engage clients with the principle of love or fear, you choose, awareness inquiry/training, embodiment practice (BCBs) and attention management. “Issues” are of the personality. Personalities, like the weather, can be a tremendous pain in the ass! Each of us has a personality. Think of the personality as a car. Sometimes it is difficult to drive the car we have been given. Nevertheless, drive it we must. I sometimes use a map called the Enneagram when people get stuck inside their minds (personalities.) The map points to nine possible ways of perceiving and navigating the mundane world with our cars. Only nine different types of personalities! Jeez, that must really piss off personalities that feel they are special. So far as I can tell, the Enneagram map seems accurate. But like I said, I don’t tend to engage clients at the level of personality. The coaching support I offer people and organizations is a deeper inquiry and conversation that engages awareness. Awareness is love. When I use the word love, I need to be precise. I do not mean love from personality, which is inevitably flawed. And to be even more precise, “door-mat” giving and care-taking of others is not the love I am speaking of. The world is filled with those “love” songs on the radio and such sentimentality. When I speak of love, I mean love as a one-way street. Love as dispassion. Love as compassion without attachment. Love as spaciousness toward self and others… Love that gives and gives, and only gives. What does my ramble have to do with the muck? Well, this summer, the relationship with my significant other hit some muck. My part is that I can still get angry when provoked and sometimes, even when un-provoked. And I don’t listen effectively at times. It’s easy to listen fully and completely when I’m coaching. But at home it can still be difficult at times. It seemed clear from my struggles internally and with my beloved that I could use some increased support to enable myself to allow Self to continue to remove what is in the way of me loving and serving others. I’m getting the support. What was my companion’s part? That’s absolutely none of my business. I’m willing to continue to explore, grow together and hold space as best as possible, when trudging the muck gets difficult for each of us. And so is she. That’s the deal with genuine spiritual partnership. You hold hands, get the support you individually and perhaps collectively require for a time, and continue to trudge through the muck when that’s what is present in your life. A few years back I was given a wonderful demonstration of loving under duress. A technical support person was at my home office working on the computer. A man in his sixties, he was normally refined and well-mannered but on this day he was edgy and gruff. For awhile, we worked side-by-side attempting to solve the computer problem that I was dealing with. Finally, his demeanor became so rude that I said, “Hey, who pissed in your Wheaties?” The question stunned him. Then he blurted, “I’m gonna love my wife, I don’t care what she does!” Clearly, he was a man who’d learned that if he was having a problem in relationship, then he needed to stay the course. He acknowledged to me that he was very angry with something his wife had done and that he was going to love her anyways. It seems to me that 99.9% of the time, when I have a problem with another person, I’m really the problem. It’s so easy to blame and rationalize why something doesn’t work. And like other people I have done my fair share of that in the past. You know how it goes. “Well, she just doesn’t get me.” “He doesn’t meet my needs.” “I think I’m more of a person who likes to waltz and she’s into tango when it comes to relating.” “I’m not capable of going deeper because of my childhood.” “Look, we’re two good people who just couldn’t work it out.” “I just don’t have the energy.” “I honor you and I can’t be with you.” “He doesn’t listen to me.” “She’s too controlling!” “We were just meant to only spend this amount of time together.” “I do love you but I can’t be with you.” (That last one is completely hilarious!) What I have found through some useful suffering and inquiry is that what works best for me now is to keep my commitment. I learned this by not keeping my commitment in my first significant relationship. I didn’t break the commitment in my second important relationship, but the fact that I never made a truly definitive commitment to the woman (I always had one foot pointed toward the door) was a non-commitment. My commitment now is to choose love over fear. And God has blessed me with a woman who has a deep commitment to making the same choice on a daily basis. In choosing love over fear I have observed that I don’t blame my companion for our challenges and spend much less time trying to change her. I keep the focus on myself. And, when I do this, we get along fine. Ending a relationship can be a tough decision. But what I have noticed is that many relationships end because the personality (ego) eases God out, fear rules, and we consciously and/or unconsciously go looking for the next victim of our personality problem. The human condition is the personality, God bless it, but what I am learning and teaching has to do with human capacity and the innate desire and ability we all have to see God (love) in every person, place and thing. In writing this article, I am reminded that the lotus is one of the most beautiful flowers in the world. It rises in muck. BODY-CENTERED BREAKS (BCBs)The Body-Centered Break is a body-focused inquiry and awareness meditation lasting only two minutes and done whenever and wherever you are in your day. Benefits as described by coaching clients include: calmness of mind, overall sense of well-being, sharpened mental focus, reduced anxiety, increased ability of autonomous nervous system to recover rapidly from stress, and an increased capacity for learning. CLICK here for an audio-guided BCB at any time you feel the need to slow down and center into yourself. Enjoy the Benefits NOW! HeadRest Radiate QuietMind SteamValve SHARED WISDOMI have spread my dreams beneath your feet; tread softly because you tread on my dreams. W. B. Yeats POEMRelationship Wind finds its voice in the leaves. Sean Casey LeClaire INQUIRYWhere won't I get support? RIGHT ACTIONThe theme of September’s “Be the Change” is relationship. Our relationship as a species with the earth is fundamental. I encourage each of you to invite a friend and go see the film: An Inconvenient Truth. http://www.climatecrisis.net/ Al Gore has found his passionate purpose. His presentation in the film is stunning, lucid, brave and urgent! |
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© 2006 Sean Casey LeClaire, all rights reserved. |
