 |
|
 |
|
May 2007In this Issue: Solitude |
I’ve been engaged with a lot more organizational work this past couple of years... primarily wellness education, addiction management and awareness/mindfulness trainings. In my travels, I’ve noticed something different than when I was doing the grin and grunt-it thing inside corporate America in the 80’s. What I have observed is that people are really crazy now! For most leaders in corporate America, weekend work is the norm; and there’s the constant travel that runs people ragged and the ever present time and profitability pressure that could cook steel. Through our company Arjuna Networks: Inner Peace, Right Action, my colleagues and I introduce wellness principles and practices drawn from timeless Wisdom to challenge and support individuals and organizations to create and produce mindfully and on-purpose. These life-affirming practices work well for people and companies who can embrace life-work balance. More and more, I see people headed in two directions—those going to sleep and numbing out through hyper-kinetic activity—and those waking up to the power of Wellness consciousness. People pressured by fear-based living and “no time” and individuals engaging the world with abiding faith; enjoying a slower, deeper, and more meaningful rhythm in their lives. Blessings of peace,Sean Casey LeClaire *If you'd like to share this issue with a friend, they can view the newsletter online at http://www.seanleclaire.com/ezine/, or you can use the Forward link at the bottom of this issue. If you'd prefer not to receive future issues of Be The Change, click the Unsubscribe link at the bottom of this message. SOLITUDEI have heard solitude defined as not being lonely when you are alone. I really can’t know if that experience is true for me unless I enter silence for part of my day and longer periods of my life. I ask some coaching clients, especially business leaders and educators and mothers and fathers with children under eighteen, to go on a rest and renewal retreat at least once a year. I am not referring to a vacation, although recent statistics I have read point to the undeniable fact that most Americans don’t even take vacation. And, if they do vacation, they barely catch their breath, before leaping back into the buzz. I’m talking about a “retreat” in the sense that a person is alone, and much of their time away from the normal daily activity is filled with silence, so that they can listen to what is going in their mind and body and Spirit. It must be a tough suggestion because I can count the individuals on one hand, during the last five years of coaching, who have taken the challenge to truly engage solitude. When I asked a well-known executive coach who I recently had lunch with, when was the last time he had gone on personal retreat, he paused for a moment and said, with a pained look on his face, “87.” In order to serve any community we are engaged with, personal experience has shown me that those of us who are leaders and educators must go on retreat periodically and engage solitude; if we do not, we tend to become world weary. Throughout history, every leader and teacher of note has called us to solitude. My retreats take many forms but what always distinguishes a retreat from a vacation or a rest is that I am alone. A current client, considering a personal retreat, asked if I thought taking a guide was a good idea (he wants to go fishing); we both reflected on his question and he plans to fish alone. A few years back, I engaged a retreat that, although there were 165 other people on the grounds, was structured so that we were indeed steeped in solitude. It was ten days of exquisite torture. The Meditation Center was set in the country by a cold water creek. I arrived in the dead of winter. Friends had said to me that “that place, OH, that place is too Nazi-like… it’s a bloody Nazi meditation place!” I understood where they were coming from but I have a strong ego and to soften it, I needed solid rules, clear guidelines; sometimes I need to be forced to go inside. It was not a time in my life where catering to my endless western sensitivities would have served me. The participants were allowed to speak to each other the first evening then complete and utter silence reigned for the next ten days, including a respectful downward gaze, allowing for no eye contact, whatsoever. Staff was professional, generous of spirit and courteous. I had my own room with private bathroom to seek inner peace over the New Year. Men and women were completely separate. Each day, we got five minutes with the assistant teacher for specific questions we had about the practice, not about our philosophy or opinion or feelings about the practice, nor did they want to hear any stories about my sad, terrible and colorful past; they only wanted to know how we were handling what was coming up for observation during meditation practice. Were we observing the contents of our mind and sensations in the body with equanimity? Stuff came up at the retreat! I consistently observe that that is why people don’t want to go alone on retreat, whether it is a solo fishing trip, or a beach on an island, or a cabin in the woods, or hiking in the mountains or simply staying home for an afternoon with electronic devices turned off. Because when we face ourselves, most of us tend to identify with some of the darker contents of the mind, thus we suffer until the mind settles. What I had to face initially during the meditation retreat was anger, sexual fantasy, hatred, sadness, terror, rage, and yes, beauty, bliss, stillness, peace, rushes of intuitive creativity; pretty much everything I could have imagined seemed to be inside my head, inside my mind and body. And, although we were in absolute silence, an odd thing occurred for me the first few days of the retreat. Every time I encountered the guy who roomed across the hallway, I’d think, asshole! Now, here I was, day two of the retreat, walking, side-by-side with a guy I had never met, in noble silence, aware only of his funky indoor moccasins and his energy and, I’d think, asshole, and on some days it was F…ASSHOLE! This kind of thing is embarrassing and hard to observe about oneself. My mind seemed intent on playing an endless judgmental tune. I became aware of his patterns; where he liked to walk on the grounds, where he stood during breaks, the fact that he ate buttered toast with breakfast and, that he’d take peppermint tea about five minutes after he finished eating his lunch. (I inappropriately raised my eyes and caught a glimpse of him: Kinky hair, early thirties, slender, strong body, Mulatto.) Thank God he wasn’t seated near me in the meditation hall. It got so that I could intuit when I was going to encounter him. I felt like a meditation stalker. One day, we approached each other from opposite ends of the dorm’s long hallway; I could feel him coming. We stepped mindfully, slowly, eyes down, headed directly toward each other; neither of us moving from our line of approach in the hallway. Finally, I thought, I’m older, I am wiser; I’ll give way to this punk, which I did, then a few expletives flashed in my mind, as the blue blanket draped around my upper body floated and hit his left side. A silent meditation smack! The noise in my head about this guy lasted for two more days. I had committed to follow every direction and guideline that the teachers gave us, but my mind simply would not cooperate. I forgot about the guy and reverted to a kind of prideful practicing of meditation techniques I had done for the past 20 years. It took another full day of breath concentration to let go of meditation techniques that I had previously learned and taught and follow the teaching of the retreat I was on. When my mind finally slowed to almost a full stop, I observed and felt myself smile. Amazed and amused at my mind’s persistence. I coaxed and directed my attention back to the new practice, sometimes patiently, sometimes awkwardly, always persistently, like I was dealing with a small child or new puppy that simply couldn’t find the paper to pee on. By the fifth day, during most of the meditations, space opened inside me. Stillness permeated my being. My attention pierced into the deep skeletal muscles of my body. Time dissolved, sped up. I would walk into the meditation hall and plunk myself down on the cushion, close my eyes and, what felt like seconds later, the bell would ring. An hour, two hours sitting, felt like two minutes. I experienced a column of space between my body’s bones and muscles, about four inches thick, and a cool toffee-like sensation streamed through my awareness, very pleasant. Sitting for thirteen hours day became easy. I was steeped inside the Self and aware of the power of my own Presence. Present to everything, with the mind’s meditating and interpreting function turned off. What a gift! On the tenth day of the retreat, our silence was lifted. I sat quietly by myself. The main lunch room was filled with an odd combination of stillness and charged nervous energy. I was still happy and felt grateful and confident to have completed the retreat. The guy from across the hall sat down in front of me. Smiled and introduced himself, a sax player from New York . The thoughts I had previously about the guy did not arise. He told me a couple of personal stories. We talked about Chagall and Consciousness and music. I got up and started to excuse myself. He asked me to stay a moment and told me about how hard it was for him to deal with his father’s violent anger toward him when he was a kid and how that had come up for him, “BIGTIME!” during the retreat. For those initial settling-in days, our two minds had done a dance and it sounded like, after that, he carried on by himself. I don’t know. It’s not my business. He helped me see my own anger and prejudice, and for that I remain most grateful. When my mind stopped during the retreat, what was left? Space. Stillness. Beauty. Bliss. Joy. Pure sensation. Creative expression. The seeds of old karma burning. Inner smile. As long as I kept my attention on the bodily sensation and did not get caught in the stories of my mind and its memory, I was fine. The strong emotion was there but it dissolved into and through bodily sensations via dispassionate observation. People who choose to go on personal retreat are spiritual athletes. So are people who stop and engage silence for some part of each day. It takes courage to go on a personal retreat alone as it does to make the conscious choice to take a break, each day, from the perform-at-all-costs mentality that has poisoned our culture. The mere act of stopping each day for even ten minutes of unplugged alone time is now a counter-culture action. Every person with a modicum of self awareness knows we are living in a dark time—distraction, delusion and fear are a daily reality for most people. More and more clients come to life coaching, dissatisfied with how they are living their lives, dissatisfied with the results of ongoing therapy, unfulfilled with their “success.” They feel a sense of urgency about changing behavior patterns that no longer work for them. They want to change something in their lives that is no longer serving them, like anger or addictive behavior or working in a job that drains their life force. They want a deeper connection with life-purpose and with their true selves. They want to realize life dreams during this life. They have found mere worldly-success has left their souls dry and they have an intuitive urge to serve and love and create more genuinely. I learned many things about myself at that meditation retreat and during other rest and renewal periods. Most important was that I can commit to something that I am frightened to do, and complete it, despite doubt or craving or aversion, drowsiness and agitation. I also learned that anger is really a song best sung by self observation. Daily meditation helps me to source silence and stillness. It’s not always easy. I haven’t meditated today and will go and do that right now. I like to think of meditation as the time when I cultivate the understanding and willingness to live by Thy will be done. For me, I hear the higher will best when I am silent inside, when I am completely present. Retreat and renewal support me to do that. If you have never been on a retreat… start with a walk in the woods by yourself once a week or an afternoon of gardening or a walk at sunset by an body of water or a golf round alone or simply start noticing which hand you open doors with or what foot do you use to take a first step when you begin to walk. Just observe how you use your own body to move about the world. A client of mine recently shared that she was taking her daughter with her to meditation center. I had another client at a Fortune 50 company begin the process of turning inward by leaving his cubicle each day for a 20 minute walk around the building he worked in. It’s best to begin with a baby step then move toward a retreat. We can all start somewhere. Jesus liked to kick back in the hills alone before he’d return to preach and train those fishermen about his mission. Gandhi didn’t speak Wednesdays until noon and sat for meditation every morning. We all know about Mother Teresa’s pre-dawn prayer vigil. John Reed, former CEO of Citibank, would fly to Europe for a few days alone and wander in old cities, notebook and pencil in hand. Dr. Carl Jung built a stone tower in his backyard. My friend Blaze goes to a salt marsh. My colleague Patrick bangs iron. My yoga buddy Portia retreats to a cabin on the Cape . No one can reach my partner when she’s gardening if she doesn’t want them to. I go on meditation and silent retreats in various locations. The ways of retreat and renewal are as endless as the ways to serve—without one the other can’t endure.BODY-CENTERED BREAKS (BCBs)The Body-Centered Break is a body-focused inquiry and awareness meditation lasting only two minutes and done whenever and wherever you are in your day. Benefits as described by coaching clients include: calmness of mind, overall sense of well-being, sharpened mental focus, reduced anxiety, increased ability of autonomous nervous system to recover rapidly from stress, and an increased capacity for learning. CLICK here for an audio-guided BCB at any time you feel the need to slow down and center into yourself. Enjoy the Benefits NOW! HeadRest Radiate QuietMind SteamValve PEERS OF INFLUENCEOver the last 25 + years, Concord resident Jay Vogt has steadily built a management consulting practice based on tried and true Wisdom principles. The man knows how to lead without imposing his will and he knows how to break from the action. I am happy to call him a colleague and friend and encourage you to read his recent article about sabbatical and check out his company called Peoplesworth. http://www.peoplesworth.com/article_timeoff_0906.htm SHARED WISDOMI don’t mind being alone; it’s being by myself that I can’t stand.
POEMTHE FALL Show me a man
INQUIRYWhat would quiet time look like for me? WONDERINGWhere can I serve more effectively? EVENTS/WORKSHOPS Honoring Father RIGHT ACTIONPlan a retreat. Stick to the plan. Try this one - http://www.ichooselove.org - and have your sound on when you click the link to the video. There are some beautiful images. |
© 2007 Sean Casey LeClaire, all rights reserved. |
